Etiquette :: A Few Rules for Wedding Guests

Wedding season is in full effect, and many of you are attending weddings for the first time. Believe it or not, it's really easy to be the annoying wedding guest. If you're new to attending weddings on your own as an adult, or you haven't planned your own wedding to understand what NOT to do, you may not know even you're being the annoying guest! Take a glance at these suggestions of what to do and what NOT to do in order to make yourself a great wedding guest!

Photo by Michéll Events

Do I have to attend?

No. Believe it or not, you can say no. Say it's out of town and the time off work and expenses just aren't feasible, it's perfectly OK to say you can't attend. Be sure to send the RSVP card back indicating you can't attend. Very important!

What's the deal with plus one?
If you're married, it will either say both of your names or "and family" to notate children included. If you're single, your invitation will either say your name only or it will say your name "and guest". If it doesn't say "and guest"...don't bring one. Don't call on the phone and ask if you can bring one. Don't just go ahead and add a plus one on the RSVP card when you send it back in. Guest count plays a major part in a large event like a wedding, and they can only accommodate so many people as far as seating and meals. An extra person is not a happy surprise for the bride and groom.

Do I have to send back the RSVP card?
Yes. Whether or not you get a plus one, whether you can attend or not, no matter what....send back the card either way! They're counting on a firm answer to plan for things like meals and seating charts and they are charged for everyone who attends, so your yes or no answer is a very important thing. Take a few minutes to send back the RSVP card! Not only that...send it in a timely fashion. If you respond late, you may be seated at the extra table where you don't know anyone but that's the only place since they had to cram you in to the seating chart at the last minute.

Photo by Z Media

Do I have to bring a gift?
No. But you should at least give a card. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to look up a registry, go shopping, do gift wrapping, etc... It just means you need to acknowledge the bride & groom are starting a new life together and you're helping them along the way. A card with cash or a check in it is also perfectly accepted as a wedding gift. No set amount established and no shopping required.

If I'm not attending, do I still send a gift?
Per the rules of etiquette, no. Per the rules of friendship, yes. Completely stay within your budget of course.

It's an open bar. Do I tip the bartender?
Yes. While the bride and groom (or other party) are picking up the bar tab, the bartenders are still in a service capacity and still appreciate tips. Please remember to tip your bar staff. If unsure who or where to leave the tip, leave it with the catering or bar manager and they can dole it out appropriately.

Photo by Terra Sol Studio

Dress Code? OMG what's that?
Black Tie: Tuxedoes, long gowns and formal dresses.
Black Tie Optional or Formal: The same as above, but you can swap a tuxedo for a nice, dark suit, and a long dress for a simpler dress with accessories.
Cocktail Attire (Semi-Formal): Dark suits and party dresses for all! (Nice pant suit is acceptable for women as well.) If no dress code is specified, consider this the default.
Dressy Casual: Wear a cool tie, pick some fun, bright accessories; either way, definitely dress like you're ready to party. Casual, but a step up!
Casual: Jeans or khaki's are ok. Be presentable!